Can you get rid of an old boyfriend seeing him at your workplace everyday? I’m looking for a new job. Of course I have a hundred reasons why I am doing that. Unhappiness is not among them. Money, better benefits, a permanent job, better location, all the normal things. But what is really driving me for the search is the idea of not seeing “Him” everyday.

It really doesn’t matter what he does, his presence is “there” at the back of my mind all the time. The questions keep popping in my mind:

‘Has he arrived yet?’

‘Is he in today?’

‘Is he going to say hello today or ignore me completely?’

‘Is he going to try to win me over with his jokes and sexy insinuations this afternoon?’

‘Will he notice my new top?’

I pretend I am cool, that I don’t care. I even lie to myself saying I don’t even remember he exists in the world. But really… I remember. Even if I don’t do much else, no calls, no messages, no e-mails, in the back of my mind I get totally upset with myself for all that I do remember.

I keep saying to myself “remember the ‘prick’ part” and “remember he is a prick” and other not-funny adjectives. But with that, the good part creeps spine up, the kisses, the skin, the smell, and hell yeah, the full moons of pure and ultimate pleasure. Days lived on a horizontal…

But I don’t care. I have chosen to accept him exactly as he is, and I chose not to have him in my life with all that he has chosen for himself. So be it.

I hope the new job comes soon!

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