Pardon me if I am going to sound cranky, but often is how I feel looking at pictures in online dating. I know it is a judgemental media, and rarely you show your best or be your best when choosing possible partners through it but it is only one more chance, many people have found love and everything else.

The reason I feel upset is not because there aren’t good matches and interesting men, it is because I cannot see them with such bad pictures they use.

Imagine that I am looking at my phone, scrolling through the profiles and pictures…

Hmm… Nope, not gonna date your dog.

Or your bike.

Or your car.

Which one is you? I try to see more pictures of you. The one in the middle? Nope seems you are the other one… I like your friend best.

I just saw you in another profile: two years younger and lived in another suburb, at least change the picture!

There is the tiger again, seems like the man changes, but the tiger is always the same.

Seriously? A picture of you sitting on top of a giant penis?

Another tiger.

Beautiful landscape but I won’t date the landscape.

This seriously looks like your wedding. How am I to know this is not your wedding?

I am not going to date your teenage daughter, not even with four pictures of her. Be a bit more protective of your children. I understand the need to be honest about having children and the love for them, a picture that shows you with them from far will do the job without pasting their faces to god knows who…

I don’t want to see you with other women, any women, mother, sister, friend or celebrities.

I won’t date you because you know a celebrity, at least I think this other person here is a celebrity, but who knows! Unless it is someone I am interested in I may not even know who you are taking pictures with. I wasn’t born around here…

Ok, I like all the guys in this picture, doesn’t matter which one it is I’d date him.

Not funny. Would be funny on facebook for your friends, not to find you a girlfriend. Costumes, funny faces, face paint, just look silly and sad more often than not.

Not gonna date the beer, the wine, the whisky or the bar.

I am not date any quotes or motivational posters, for real.

There is really no point of using four almost equal photos of you that doesn’t really show you.

Pictures of vegetables shaped as erotic parts… still not the appropriate place to put them.

It is very simple really, what I want to see is:

One picture of your face, well focused, with good light, with a normal expression, if possible, not a selfie. Ask a friend to take a picture of your face with your phone.

One picture with your smile, yes, I want to see your teeth they are part of your character.

One picture of your eyes, for me the cliché applies: the eyes are the windows to the soul; sunglasses are not.

One picture of your whole body.

One picture of something you like doing.

You may combine several of these characteristics in one or two pictures.

If there is anything you like to hide, fix it if possible or be proud of it, there is always someone for you.

Honesty goes a long, long way, saves you a lot of embarrassment and weird moments when you meet in person.

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