Author: aphroditefatoz

Can you get rid of an old boyfriend seeing him at your workplace everyday? I’m looking for a new job. Of course I have a hundred reasons why I am doing that. Unhappiness is not among them. Money, better benefits, a permanent job, better location, all the normal things. But what is really driving me for the search is the idea of not seeing “Him” everyday.

It really doesn’t matter what he does, his presence is “there” at the back of my mind all the time. The questions keep popping in my mind:

‘Has he arrived yet?’

‘Is he in today?’

‘Is he going to say hello today or ignore me completely?’

‘Is he going to try to win me over with his jokes and sexy insinuations this afternoon?’

‘Will he notice my new top?’

I pretend I am cool, that I don’t care. I even lie to myself saying I don’t even remember he exists in the world. But really… I remember. Even if I don’t do much else, no calls, no messages, no e-mails, in the back of my mind I get totally upset with myself for all that I do remember.

I keep saying to myself “remember the ‘prick’ part” and “remember he is a prick” and other not-funny adjectives. But with that, the good part creeps spine up, the kisses, the skin, the smell, and hell yeah, the full moons of pure and ultimate pleasure. Days lived on a horizontal…

But I don’t care. I have chosen to accept him exactly as he is, and I chose not to have him in my life with all that he has chosen for himself. So be it.

I hope the new job comes soon!

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This is a letter to my mate, my love, my man, call him as you like, boyfriend, partner, lover, it doesn’t matter. This is for you if you are him.

I don’t need you. This is not about need. I need myself and I love myself. I am happy and will always be. What I want from you is to share time, multiply intimacy, create unique precious moments. I want to learn and to teach. I am ready for you, ready to fall in love, to give myself, to make your time with me worthwhile and to appreciate you all the way.

Give me yourself and I swear you will not regret, you will have me in the same measure. Be prepared for a freaky connection, for mind reading, for your body reacting to even my thoughts. I warn you are in for a ride, especially intimately. You better be fit because you need stamina for delicious weekends. You have to have endurance for the nights with me and to survive my sexy writing, my ideas, messages, e-mails and letters. Oh, and the gifts… creative, inventive, and unexpected.

I’m going to write on your body…  with chocolate maybe, don’t worry I’m not a tattooist.

Inspire me and I will bring you sensual ideas you have never thought possible, naked dances, special underwear, nights of magic and sensuality, dreams come true. No special occasion needed. Just being together is enough.

For the special occasions, how about your fantasies? I say yes to quite a few and so do you to mine. And that is another thing: yes, you know them…

I believe in a smooth relationship, in a delicious company, in falling slowly for the person in the same rate of them for you… while passion and fire soars high.

Are you reading me? Can you feel my soul, my hand over your body, spreading a layer of desire over your skin? Can you hear the song with which I am enchanting you? You feel like I’m an enchantress but you know what they say: there is no spell that doesn’t go both ways.

I look at you with admiration in my eyes, for your eyes and the way you look at me, I shed tears of ecstasy for your love making and we cannot get enough of each other.

How do you know if this is you? You simply do, you are someone like me, just that: independent, reliable, energetic, fit, sensible and sensitive, confident, intelligent, funny, eclectic, good, powerful, with a life to be lived intensely, with a belief that the world is your oyster and it is good… Yes this is a love letter and if you are my man write here so we can find each other now.

Aphrodite

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I have been watching the TV series Sex and the City for the first time. I was married before and never felt like seeing it then. Now I am a divorced thirty-something years old and I am identifying myself a lot with the ladies in the series and the questions they address. Being a writer put me in a “Carrie Bradshaw” mood, last night I got thinking about chemistry:

“Is it just women that are worried about chemistry? And shouldn’t the Universe guarantee that when you feel it with someone that person should feel it back?”

I believe in doing everything you can to get something you want, so being in search of a boyfriend (or three) I entered an internet dating site.

On the note of looking for multiple boyfriends that is because things usually move really slowly at the beginning of a relationship. You get worried about not appearing too eager, and the guys have their own thoughts and usually are not after you more than once a week. That is how my sisters and I decided the right number of boyfriends at the start is 3. Women of thirty-something get crazy for action as soon as we start a new relationship, it’s like we forget all about it while “on breaks” but once we remember how it is done, we want a lot of it.

With three options you could rotate them and short list to the best, when he gets as excited as you are, and prove he can be enough for you… It is just a theory for now. As soon as I get my own three I will tell you if it works.

So, about the internet dating: I joined this website and it is a funny thing how they start chatting with you and after six lines they ask you to come to their place, or offer to go to yours, for one hour of hot intercourse. I’m a very free spirited in bed, you could say I’m pretty and, of course, I chose hot pictures for my profile, but it gets me really worried that guys are willing to say : “I want to bed you” without even seeing me in person or getting excited with my writing at least! Six lines remember! And it is usually like that:

‘Hello.’

‘Hi.’

‘How are you?’

‘I’m good and you?’

‘I’m good. What are you up to?’

‘I’m in a cafe near my place chatting in the internet with you.’

‘Would you like to come to my place now? I wanna f… you.’

Seriously. You try and you will see that I’m not kidding. Of course I don’t want to go to his place, some don’t even have pictures in their profile! They continue saying they are cute, hot, fit, handsome, good in bed, that they give good head, that they know how to pleasure a lady and so on, no details, just general things that simply all of them say… What comes to my mind about them is what I think they should think about me too:

‘What if I had bad breath? Or had bad hygiene habits (bad smell)?’

‘If he looked at me and simply decided he didn’t want to f… me?’

‘What about that chemistry that you have by just looking at someone?’

This thing of meeting someone knowing he or she expects the night to finish in bed takes out the excitement for me. I tried it once and although the thing wasn’t bad in general, I didn’t feel good. I discovered I like “sex with attachments” and that means any one or more of these: chemistry, passion, love, fun, irresistibility (when you meet someone and has to go to the end no matter what), something!!!

I also think that when you look at someone and “feel it”, the chemistry, the little voice in your head saying “hummmm, interesting” this person should always feel the same way. What do you think?

Is it just women that are worried about chemistry? And shouldn’t the Universe guarantee that when you feel it with someone that person should feel it back?

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The story started with a friend’s hens’ night. All these girls bundled up with naughty thoughts in place, drinking champagne from straws with suggestive shapes, talking about honeymoon and a video were not many clothes were showing…

One of my friends came to me and in quiet words and loud laughs told me about this new toy she just got… THE RABBIT… uuuhhhh apparently something really interesting. The advertisement was powerful and got me salivating for one. Especially because I had just wrapped up a relationship with a bastard of a boyfriend and was in need of some love. A toy sounded like a nice compensation.

The only issue was my inexperience in acquiring something like that.

On the following week I got off the train and thought to myself: today is the day I’ll make this happen. So I walked purposefully to the adult shop that I saw on my way in. Had to go over a litany in my mind: I’m a 30 years old woman, independent, strong, empowered, I can and will have the strength to go into an adult shop any time I want. I deserve my pleasure, I am cool, I am confident… and so on. My heart was playing the drums on my chest, I had a dry mouth and felt like a teenager waiting for her first kiss.

I was also worried someone saw me going into the store… but honestly what if someone did! So what??? Or that is what I was also telling myself. My convincing powers were not that strong by the shaking of my hands, I just kept hoping I didn’t start drooling.

I was in a place far, far away from home and yet I felt like all eyes were on my back with my ducked head. But I persisted over my own ghosts and righteous voices. Part of me really wanted to go home.

But the other part was already drooling for the toys… plural, after all if I was going in I should come out fully happy wouldn’t you agree?

I mustered all my strength, my determination, my will power and climbed the stairs through the little hidden door to a new world. I felt like a kid in a candy store! So many options, colours, sizes, toys of all types. I was trying to be inconspicuous but there was just me at the store and the salesman saw me straight away.

Would it be too much to ask for a saleswoman? Did it really have to be a man?

Well I was there and could breathe better just because I was out of the street and had won the argument between the old-lady-proper-me and the new-funky-liberated-me, me. Meaning I had come to the store as planned.

I found myself a nice little corner out of the direct view of the salesman and started my self-instruction in options.

I was one of those women married for a long time that hadn’t seen many different of sizes and shapes of instruments so the abundance of different issues in display was extremely interesting. Some things I saw scared the hell out of me… what was that? A hand, a whole hand?

My nice corner was full of the battery powered options and I was slowly going through all the normal sized options when I heard someone approaching.

“Gosh! How dreadful!” I thought to myself. But there comes the salesman:

‘Can I help you with anything?’

‘No… I’m ok. What was I supposed to say? That I was just having a look? To my complete mortification the man was set in helping me.’

‘I can show you how they work. I can put the batteries on so you can check. Said the helpful man.’

‘No thanks, I am ok. Appalled with the idea of seeing the things buzzing on a strange man’s hand. Maybe he can show me where I can find a hole in the floor for me to put my head on.’

‘Girls like this one.’

He showed me one with a thingy attached to the side, my mind went crazy. How was I supposed to tell the man that I didn’t want that one? The Bastard (the foretold discarded boyfriend) had opened me for some new possibilities and I was looking for a toy that I could use and didn’t leave… much material out when in use… this way the new boyfriend I was planning on getting soon could use the free… plug… with himself, understand? If I got one of the fanciful ones I wouldn’t be able to use it when I got the new boyfriend. Therefore I didn’t want any of the things with attachments; I wanted the plainer one, normal size, normal shape…

‘How about this one? It’s too big isn’t it?’

At this point I was hoping for a cataclysm, a blackout, anything that would let me run and hide from the nice man. Even without my answer he went on:

‘This one is too small hum?’

I felt like saying: “I’m not buying sneakers!” Instead I said:

‘You are making me uncomfortable…’

But he insisted:

‘And how about this, it has a very good vibe…’

At this point I sent him such a pitiful imploring look that he finally went back to his reception leaving me to breathe better and choose my product alone. I liked an aqua-green one but it had a face… I couldn’t, it felt wrong. Ended up with one that was exactly what I wanted, something yellow and “bananish”… It was on my way out that I saw it:  THE RABBIT!

Got the shivers when I remembered the tales my friend spun in the party… so I bought it. Actually it was Easter and I decided to buy 3. How bold did I feel then! I bought one for me and two for friends that were at that party also and went home very happy.

On my way home I stopped at my friends’ places to give them my Easter presents. Then, as soon as I got home, like a little kid I decided to play with my new toys. Although very happy with the yellow one the bunny disappointed me thoroughly. I called my friend to tell her out for false advertisement.

‘What? How is this thing you bought?’

‘Jellyish, with a ring to put… well the equipment through it if you want, you put batteries in it and turn it on to work… It is nice but nothing like you told me!’

‘Girl! You’ve got the wrong one!’

‘NOOOOOOOOOO!’

So she messaged me a picture of the real one.

I didn’t have the time to go after it for a few weeks and was really surprised to get the message from one of the two friends that got the wrong rabbit as a gift from me:

‘I FOUND THE REAL RABBIT! Will get you one.’Indeed it was really different, when I finally got it in my hands… and other parts, it was a new experience indeed. The thing has two parts, one for the batteries and the bunny that is really powerful. I was happy in my ignorance. But that was not the end of the story. The friend that gave me the real rabbit called me the other day:

‘There is another one. ‘

‘Another one?’

‘Yes.’

‘How do you know? Is it better?’

‘It comes from a safe source of information. I was in a hotel for an event when the lift broke. Me and just another woman inside. We stayed there for three hours… but you know? It was the funniest thing. The girl said she was a masseuse… but confessed the kind of massage she does one hour after we started talking. Let’s say she is a Savvy woman. It was my chance to ask her all the things I always felt like asking and she ended up telling me about this other rabbit. It’s the one from the TV show and apparently it does everything!’

People are greedy animals really, the more you have the more you want. By now it is getting hard to find a secure place to keep my toys, when the new rabbit arrives I’ll have to upgrade my hiding place to fit the yellow thing and 3 rabbitsses! And this from someone that couldn’t even go into an adult store without blushing!

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