Love may be out there, but sometimes what I find that also starts with capital “L” is Laugh.
One poor guy wrote on his profile that he was looking for his Sole Mate.
The other one wrote something like this where the website asked about “first dates” (meaning how would you like to spend a first date):
It was when I was fourteen and I took the girl out and I wanted to kiss her but she didn’t want to kiss me. But I don’t understand why this is relevant…
9 Orble Likes
Pardon me if I am going to sound cranky, but often is how I feel looking at pictures in online dating. I know it is a judgemental media, and rarely you show your best or be your best when choosing possible partners through it but it is only one more chance, many people have found love and everything else.
The reason I feel upset is not because there aren’t good matches and interesting men, it is because I cannot see them with such bad pictures they use.
Imagine that I am looking at my phone, scrolling through the profiles and pictures…
Hmm… Nope, not gonna date your dog.
Or your bike.
Or your car.
Which one is you? I try to see more pictures of you. The one in the middle? Nope seems you are the other one… I like your friend best.
I just saw you in another profile: two years younger and lived in another suburb, at least change the picture!
There is the tiger again, seems like the man changes, but the tiger is always the same.
Seriously? A picture of you sitting on top of a giant penis?
Another tiger.
Beautiful landscape but I won’t date the landscape.
This seriously looks like your wedding. How am I to know this is not your wedding?
I am not going to date your teenage daughter, not even with four pictures of her. Be a bit more protective of your children. I understand the need to be honest about having children and the love for them, a picture that shows you with them from far will do the job without pasting their faces to god knows who…
I don’t want to see you with other women, any women, mother, sister, friend or celebrities.
I won’t date you because you know a celebrity, at least I think this other person here is a celebrity, but who knows! Unless it is someone I am interested in I may not even know who you are taking pictures with. I wasn’t born around here…
Ok, I like all the guys in this picture, doesn’t matter which one it is I’d date him.
Not funny. Would be funny on facebook for your friends, not to find you a girlfriend. Costumes, funny faces, face paint, just look silly and sad more often than not.
Not gonna date the beer, the wine, the whisky or the bar.
I am not date any quotes or motivational posters, for real.
There is really no point of using four almost equal photos of you that doesn’t really show you.
Pictures of vegetables shaped as erotic parts… still not the appropriate place to put them.
It is very simple really, what I want to see is:
One picture of your face, well focused, with good light, with a normal expression, if possible, not a selfie. Ask a friend to take a picture of your face with your phone.
One picture with your smile, yes, I want to see your teeth they are part of your character.
One picture of your eyes, for me the cliché applies: the eyes are the windows to the soul; sunglasses are not.
One picture of your whole body.
One picture of something you like doing.
You may combine several of these characteristics in one or two pictures.
If there is anything you like to hide, fix it if possible or be proud of it, there is always someone for you.
Honesty goes a long, long way, saves you a lot of embarrassment and weird moments when you meet in person.
11 Orble Likes
Naughty of me. I was in a public jacuzzi, naked. It was a nudist club.
It was a bath big enough for five. There were bubbles blubbering up from under me, where I was seated.
So I adjusted myself to feel the bubbles right between my legs.
They massaged me, going up and up.
I kept trying to keep a straight face.
There was a man beside me, interesting, attractive, and my foot touched his.
He stepped with his foot over mine, in a possessive way.
That was enough, I looked straight ahead, braced myself and felt the waves going through me.
Up n Up.
17 Orble Likes
You pick me up at lunchtime from work. I don’t have a long lunch time, but I work at a privileged location, with many bushwalking trails nearby.
It is a sunny Spring day, with the weather finally warming up. You take me to one of the trails and we go looking for a place reasonably private without much success. Being one of the first days of warmth in the year, the locals are out and about, walking through the bush, on the road, parking where we are parked, showing up everywhere.
We find a spot behind a tree and you make me lean down, pull up my dress and take my panties off, storing them in your pocket. You lick me, I suck you. We are right in front of the ocean, so I am afraid of bushwalkers passing through, or runners, especially one of my work colleagues; but also boats coming too close to the coast. It is something getting fucked watching a speedboat passing by.
Then you sit me on a rock, quite exposed, open my legs and eat me. We move again to a niche between some ruins, left overs from some sort of military fort. I lean in to get your dick in my mouth and apply myself to the task.
We move again and somehow you get to fuck me from behind, I’m leaning in, hidden in between two low walls, I can see your feet. They were right beside a log full of ants. ‘You have…. ah… ants… on… wow… on your feet’. You miss it. Because you are not a threat to the bugs, they simply use you as their bridge.
When someone finally interrupts us and we are left un-climaxed and out of time, we end up going back to the car, I check your feet, the ants are gone without leaving a trace.
20 Orble Likes
I have been unfaithful. Recently though, I have slept with a married man. He gave me “the talk”, “bla bla bla, marriage is unwell, bla bla, no sex, bla bla, don’t want to leave the kids, bla bla bla”. It doesn’t make it right and I’m not sure “the talk” is accurate or even true. I did my best to resist. I didn’t, and I didn’t fool myself either. He was spinning the wheel to seduce me but I could see through it; it was a conscious decision to sin.
And what a Sin. What undid my resolve wasn’t the thrill of the prohibition, the promise of amazing sex, the desire or the compassion for a man who was horny enough to fuck a wall if there was a hole in it. What broke me down was the connection, how much we had talked all night, that he understood my language of believing and that he felt my sincerity and broke down his fake promises. Really deep down what I saw was the unique opportunity of living a whole relationship in one night.
And then he kissed me. It had been so long since I felt that wonder, like submerging in a bath of sparkling water. That thrill that touches all the skin surface. Mixed with the smell, the scent of heat, like animals… When you know you will have a one night stand you allow yourself to new limits sexually, you don’t have to hide, you don’t have to pretend. This was a step further than that, it was the emotional one night stand, because there is no possibility of this going any further, you can allow your heart to take you where your sex want to go.
It means you can fuck and fall in love all in one night. That is what I did, like my silly heart can do, I took his smell to memory, his dick to my mouth and his pleasure to my core. I let him suck me as much as he wanted for as long as he felt like. My heart got permission to like and love everything. It broke when I didn’t answer his contacts the following days when I broke off and apart. What made me strong then was how much I fell for him during that one night. I have been through a separation before, I did not want to go through his, if it was even possible that it would happen.
But I couldn’t stop myself from wishing he was single, but then, would I have allowed so much, so soon, so intensely?
10 Orble Likes
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