Missing Parts

I’m a particular lover of good drama on TV. I mean shows with high production, strong story lines, and as far as possible from reality TV. I’m interested in reality and in TV, but not together.

I love when I go out with friends and I end up in this close conversation with a few (not many) friends and we go into intimate details of anything in their lives, how someone likes to cook naked, how they woke their partner up with a fart, how they felt when they conquered a new job.

And, as I said, I love a good TV show, well produced and designed. When I’m watching I often think of my own life and that — with today’s social realities — I have been missing “the conquest”. With more and more online dating these days, it has been rarer that you meet someone in your circle of people you know and things develop from there.

I have been sighing every time on TV, one character bumps into someone on the street and they have ‘the spark’. I’ve been missing the spark, the slow development of something, the falling for someone, the distraction and actions.

Then, something changes. Someone in one of my circles… something changes in their life and we see each other. Now I feel the flutter in my belly all day and the looks and smiles, and it is exactly what I had been desiring.

The funny part is that, from the first time I met this man, I have this image of him on my bed. The scene is very clear in my mind, I can smell the sex and feel the heat in the air. He is on a diagonal, naked, belly up, looking at me behind him, so he has his head bent back and is looking at me upside down. He is saying he can’t move a muscle.

Have I seen the future? Or have I been driving things to this conclusion… but I had no control over his previous situation, so no. Will it ever really happen?

The Cliff

I feel as if I’m at the edge of a cliff looking down, being held by a thread, there is a tempest and the sea is agitated and angry below. There is a chance I can fly, but can I?

The sensation is cliché-as, the fear of a possibility, the butterflies, the delicious anxious sensation that wants something to happen now. Something to happen soon. While the other part of me wants time to slow down, I want to enjoy the falling, the flying.

Not-knowing is as important as would having certainty be.

I admire your courage…