Spanish Challenge

As I finish the manuscript for final editing I’m simmering with sensual energy. I’ve awakened the kundalini energy and it’s devouring me. 

I feel as if I’ve jumped out of an airplane, no parachute. If the awakened sexual dragon doesn’t hold me, I’ll fall. If magic doesn’t come out, the wings do not manifest out of my bones, tearing through my skin, mid-flight, and quickly, I’ll splash on the pavement way below and it’s quickly approaching.

But you know what? Sparks of magic are coming, the wind is kind of bearing me, giving indications that maybe, just maybe, I may have been a bit less insane than I thought, at the moment of the jump.

There were some dances recently, particularly with a Spanish man, so much younger, and yet, so powerful in sensuality. Bloody Latin blood. The spell turned against the caster, hard to say who was spelling who.

At the end of the night he killed me, I killed him. I missed a step I would never have missed on normal circumstances, I was lost in his eyes and smile. Bloody Latin smile.

He passed his fingers lightly on the palm of my hands, during the dancing. That’s not normally done. Never before.

He used the dirtiest tricks, trapped my neck in turn twists, my leg between his, traced every single movement across my arms, my waist, my neck, my shoulders. He trapped my gaze, and I didn’t shy away, never. 

I felt him getting happier in between us. He had to create some space between our bodies at a point, for some turns for a while until he got some control back.

There is one thing an older dancer like me has is spades: experience to follow every lead, so whatever movement he was thinking of leading, I was already following, except for the one I missed for being lost in the smile and beautiful greenish eyes.

There is one thing a single, older, dancer doesn’t have at all: shame. No shame to get closer, no sense of proprietness, no shyness, no uncomfortableness, no embarrassment of the effects she may cause (instead a certain sense of pride and reality that there are consequences to certain actions).

We danced the first time and I thought it would be the only one, with so many pretty little things on the dance floor for him to chose from. But he kept coming back to me… and for five glorious songs through the night we tortured each other to the point of ignition. 

I was leaving, one feet still clad in dance shoes, one changed into walking shoes when he stopped me begging for a last song.

So I changed back, the shoe into dance shoes.

We had a few accords of the slow song, it was excruciating pleasure. A rebelion of senses. Tantalising beyond endurance. Then the song ended before it started.

‘One more, one more’ we begged each other.

‘Otherwise it wasn’t even worth changing the shoes’ I said.

‘I think it was worth it’ he said.

The warmth burning me agreed.

The next song wasn’t slow.

‘I like the other song better’ he said.

The music came and went too quickly. And then, I left. I wonder if I’ll ever see him again and what will happen if I do. If anything.

He is burnt in my mind. His heat is keeping me afloat, mid-air. 

But it’s precarious, very. He is an illusion, maybe a figment of my imagination, maybe a being from another dimension that crossed over but once.

What am I to do with all this draconic energy? How am I going to survive?

Young Buck’s Death by Dancing

I inhale his scent, his warmth, his youth, his deliciousness and know that for a few seconds I’m facing no one, so I can close my eyes in the wrongness of this rapture.
His body is against mine, in a vertical expression, as the music sings that if dying of love is possible, of it, I shall die.
This isn’t love, oh no, with this young buck, this is not exactly lust either.
It’s a sensual profound desire to show him the heights of pleasures I could take us to… Ah he could be so green.
But he moves with me in perfect harmony, the hips sway in absolute enticement, the hands keeping me captive, one on my back; the other keeps my right hand on his heart, I can feel it, the drumming against my palm, the soft touch of his palm against the back of my hand. And then he turns us and I face the crowd, the other dancers, no longer safe, no longer, my face is hidden from judgement.
I open my eyes to pretend it’s a normal dance, that he isn’t killing me, that there isn’t a dragon perched behind my neck, full fletched wings, the spam of three worlds opened, breathing fire over us.
Burning me, killing me, I’m falling.

An empty dance floor

You wonder what you look like, this middle aged woman, with round edges, wild hair, grey roots showing, walking shoes, bright yellow and blue shirt, dancing in the rain, in the middle of an empty park as the storm approaches. Arms to the sky, music only in your head.


You can’t look in, it’s been too long, away from big mirrors, dance schools, dance shoes.
All you know is that this is what happens when the dragon’s wings spread wide. You dance in the park. The country’s deluge is a blessing. No one is around, the floor is yours.


You give yourself to the goddess and receive her blessings, not caring one bit what you look like. You dance like no one is watching, but you secretly wish someone is.

Missing Parts

I’m a particular lover of good drama on TV. I mean shows with high production, strong story lines, and as far as possible from reality TV. I’m interested in reality and in TV, but not together.

I love when I go out with friends and I end up in this close conversation with a few (not many) friends and we go into intimate details of anything in their lives, how someone likes to cook naked, how they woke their partner up with a fart, how they felt when they conquered a new job.

And, as I said, I love a good TV show, well produced and designed. When I’m watching I often think of my own life and that — with today’s social realities — I have been missing “the conquest”. With more and more online dating these days, it has been rarer that you meet someone in your circle of people you know and things develop from there.

I have been sighing every time on TV, one character bumps into someone on the street and they have ‘the spark’. I’ve been missing the spark, the slow development of something, the falling for someone, the distraction and actions.

Then, something changes. Someone in one of my circles… something changes in their life and we see each other. Now I feel the flutter in my belly all day and the looks and smiles, and it is exactly what I had been desiring.

The funny part is that, from the first time I met this man, I have this image of him on my bed. The scene is very clear in my mind, I can smell the sex and feel the heat in the air. He is on a diagonal, naked, belly up, looking at me behind him, so he has his head bent back and is looking at me upside down. He is saying he can’t move a muscle.

Have I seen the future? Or have I been driving things to this conclusion… but I had no control over his previous situation, so no. Will it ever really happen?

Naivité

I am a suffering soul. I work in a place full of gorgeous men. Either, for some reason, my company attracts the gorgeous ones, or I simply find most men gorgeous.

What kills me daily, though, is that they have no idea of my filthy mind, or of how gorgeous they are, or how impossibly tantalising they look to me. They are ridiculously naive and do not care one bit to kill me softly with their smiles and winks! They wink!

Firstly they are impossible targets to me because we work together and love and workplace do not mix. By principle, a bad idea. But more importantly, they are all committed. Most of them married with impossibly perfect families, 2.4 children, a house, a dog, successful, etc.

My fantasies don’t really register that part though, the fantasies just see confident, interesting, intelligent, fit, right age, beautiful looks, charming, good-people, smiley… and winks!

Most of them all are above me, hierarchically, I wouldn’t mind if instead they were on top of me ha!

They pass in front of me, when they come back the company’s personal training session, sweaty, in shorts, sleeveless shirts, oozing testosterone, blushing cheeks. I hold my table hard not to swoon and fall from my chair.

One day, one of them decides to crawl under my desk to reach the power plugs beyond. Seriously? I look below me to see his ass wriggling, his shirt having gone up a bit, revealing a bit of his crack. I feel like touching the skin, oh so lightly… or maybe smacking his ass? Not sure. I held very, very quiet, super wide eyed, holding one hand to the other not to allow the naughty appendages go where they shouldn’t. I’ve kept my job by a thread, that day. So close…

The other day another one announced he had forgotten to take his towel to the company’s shower and had to dry himself with paper towels. I had an instant reply ‘next time, call me, I’ll dry you with my tongue!’ fortunately I kept the phrase on the inside and just a funny smile on the outside.

The third one is a cheeky salesman sort, every time I look at him, I see him spent after sex, after we had so much of it that he is naked over my bed like roadkill. Instead I look and say politely ‘good morning’.

I hope my own man appears soon or this job is doomed!